spoilt

Never have just one!

Here is an email sharing the experience of going through your parents divorce as an only child and the repercussions which ensue. I personally resonated with similar messages I received as an only – ‘that I was lucky’! not to have a sibling. However I have found that most onlies do not feel particularly lucky having missed out on the rough and tumble of sibling activity or the potential close relationships with a sibling in later life. Particularly as the writer states, dealing with elderly parents can be so much better if there is someone to share the problems and difficulties. As you can read the writer concludes it is far better to have more than one child. I am also aware that this is quite a contentious issue, as there has been a great deal of pressure to make the idea of the one child family the norm. Many [...]

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Radio Interview on Late Night Graham Torrington: BBC Radio West Midlands

Last night I spoke to Graham Torrington on the subject ‘Are Only Children Lonely Children?’ Graham is one of five siblings so it is always interesting to have his perspective, especially as his mother was an only. If you would like to listen to the BBC Interview it may take a minute or so to load! I think it is important, when I am interviewed, not to be drawn into absolute statements particularly those which suggest only child experience  is all good or all bad. I believe all experience can be seen along a spectrum and I try to show this in the examples I give. In particular I challenge the so called only child syndrome and the only child stereotype without falling into the trap of dismissing it without any real argument to the contrary. As only children we all suffer from the view of  the spoilt  lonely, dis-functional, only child but as [...]

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Only Child Syndrome: Stereotyping In Disguise!

  Here is an interesting article and the start of some research from 17 year old Alexandra Baker whose own experience has inspired her to do a project on only child stereotyping. If you want to take part click the link below! Link to the survey: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/6HJDBWZ Alexandra says: As an only child, I have been intrigued (and often angered!) by the comments made by others who say all only children are lonely spoiled brats who are unable to share. Where has this unfair presumption come from? I am a 17-year-old student from the UK and my first-hand experience of such negative comments has inspired me to undertake a project (Extended Project Qualification) looking into only children and how they are viewed by others. Through my project I hope to show that only children don’t deserve such unfair stereotyping. I’m sure many only children have overheard people talking about only children and heard them being described as ‘spoiled’, ‘lonely’ and [...]

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Do only children know how to share?

Lets face it – this is something that only children are often accused of being bad at! But is it true? – To a certain extent it probably is. If we look at when and how we learn to share – this is done as children, usually in the family home. When there are siblings, it is one of the important processes siblings learn to deal with: learning to share toys, games, food, treats etc. It is a very different process for the only child learning to share with a parent. Parents’ are much more likely to be indulgent. They are not going to make a fuss if they don’t get the cherry on the top or the larger piece of cake. Having said that, some parents of an only child are very mindful of these things. However  it is still not the same as sharing with a vociferous older [...]

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What exactly is only child syndrome?

  Since I posted Durango’s article on only child syndrome there has been quite a lot of response – so I thought I would  post some of my research and thoughts. The word syndrome taken from the Greek word ‘sundromos’ meaning ‘running together’, is used for a group of symptoms that collectively indicate or characterize a disease or psychological disorder, and can be attributed to a distinctive or characteristic pattern of behaviour. The strong medical connotations and the negative meaning usually attached to the word syndrome makes the word emotive and in many ways derogatory to the experience of the only-child. However I will explore this so called ‘syndrome’ from only child literature, popular ideas and prejudice.  Shil1978 wrote in ‘Pros and Cons of Being The Only Child’: The advantages could be that you get the undivided love and attention of your parents. They would dote on you more and [...]

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Are only children happier? Bernice responds to recent articles that say they are.

Households with a single child now outnumber those with two (by more than half a million) and make up 46 per cent of all families. An article in the The Daily Mail stated that recent research concluded only children were happier than sibling children: Why an only child is happier than those who have brothers and sisters. Similarly the Observer article:  An only child is a happy child  claimed, from the same research: that because children with siblings encounter sibling rivalry and reduced parental attention, and worse still sibling bullying, an only child must be happier simply because they do not have a sibling. More recently “The Week” also published a similar article: Are Only Children Happier? Is this true? First of all, the research as far as I have read, is based on a large scale survey conducted in Britain by the Economic and Social Research Council. It does [...]

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Being an Only – carries a Stigma – socially.

You see – because I was brought up as ‘an Only Child’ (I am a surviving twin) there is an assumption, generally, that (a) I was spoilt (b) I don’t know how to share (c) I don’t know how to mix.  Oh if those who make these assumptions  – ‘knew’ of the inner and private ‘pain’!! None of these is actually correct.  I enjoy meeting other people, learning about their personalities etc., and as for ‘sharing’ maybe I have ‘compensated’ a little too much in this way, by causing myself to become ‘victim’ to those who have ‘taken advantage’.  Most of all – the one very absolute thing that both angers and hurts comes from the lips of those goodly souls – with ‘a thousand brothers and sisters’ –who take it upon themselves to ‘declare’  - “of course, you are an ONLY child, aren’t you”.  The way in which this [...]

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Has being an only child influenced my being a writer?

Lesley Thomson author of  ‘A Kind of Vanishing’ winner of the 2010 People’s Book Prize for Fiction. Now no 1 on Amazon with ‘The Detectives Daughter’. I am a novelist. Is my success due to my being an only child? Without siblings I doubtless had more time to myself. I remember many contented days when I read, painted pictures, moulded clay, constructed collages with electrical components donated by my father who built radios in his own, fewer, quiet moments. I had a happy childhood packed with people: my friends, my parents’ friends and many relations and those in stories. It was rumbustrous and busy with adventures constructed by myself and friends. In addition I had ‘imaginary friends’ whose lives I related to myself in bed at night. Thus I taught myself the principles of continuous narrative, no doubt influenced by The Archers to which my parents were regular listeners. I [...]

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Being judged for being an only child

I used to get really fed up of people assuming I must be spoilt because of being an only child. I did feel it was looked on as a bad thing to be even though it was not my choice to be an only and I actually felt lonely sometimes and wanted a brother or sister (I told my mother this many times and finally gave up asking for one at about the age of 12). I felt judged negatively for something that was not my fault, but I don’t remember anyone judging my parents for it. I also had my mother say I was such hard work, which made me think I was worse than most children. I have three children and was determined not to have only one child. A few years ago someone got very offended because she has only one child by choice and I said [...]

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Was I lucky? Was I spoilt?

I am a 54 year old only child living in Australia. My father was 42 and my mother 35 when I was born. I was assured by my parents when I was growing up that I was spoilt and luckier than other children because I had no siblings I had to share with. I believed this for some time, but as I grew older I realised it was a fallacy. I was given very few toys as this would spoil me, and clothes were basically hand-me -downs from cousins as my parents were convinced I would be over indulged otherwise. I played contentedly with my few toys – became very skilled with a tennis ball, lots of imagination games with my 2 dolls, yo yo’s were also a favourite with all the time I spent practicing tricks. Fortunately, when I did finally settle into school socially – about age 10 [...]

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