One of the behaviours most of us have to learn as we grow up is to hold the good and the bad, whether it be with people, within ourselves or in relationships. ‘Splitting’ is the word usually used when a person is unable to hold both good and bad together in themselves. What they do instead is accept the good and reject the bad: we only accept what we perceive are the good bits of ourselves and project onto others the bad bits. Similarly with partners we may only accept their ‘good’ parts and and expect them to change their ‘bad ‘parts. Maturity is when we can accept both good and bad in ourselves and others. Here is an example of splitting as an internal defense mechanism: Jean, an only child, finds it difficult on occasions to bear her anger. When she grew up displaying anger was unacceptable in her family – she was expected to be the ”good girl”. The reality is she can be nice and also not-so-nice. She can be [...]
