selfish

Do all adolescence feel lonely? Are elderly parents a problem for everyone?

I found your website when researching literature for my undergraduate psychology project regarding only children. I felt compelled to submit my experiences. I am an only child myself and have chosen to have one daughter. Growing up I thought that I felt lonely, but have subsequently wondered whether this is a feeling experienced by all adolescents and that, being an only child, there seems to be an obvious ‘reason’ for it. Having read some of the posts, especially those posted by teenagers, there seems to be a lot of recurring themes about issues with parents, too much time spent with them, or changes in the relationships that they have with them. Surely this is the case in most families when children reach that age? It certainly seems as though the negative is emphasised. So, to those people that are worried about things like their ageing parents and the responsibility which [...]

When having another child is not an option – yet families are still stereotyped as selfish

I received this email which I think is very heartfelt and I wanted to post it as so often families with only one child are stereotyped as selfish. I believe that having one child does not mean a child has a worse upbringing, just a different one. Here is the story and my reply below: Sarah’s story Both my husband and I have siblings, I am the middle of three and my husband is the youngest of four. My husband spent most of his childhood alone – his siblings didn’t want to play with the youngest child and he never got new clothes or shoes, always the hand me downs. As the youngest, he also felt he needed to stay at home with his parents, who had started to struggle financially and felt envious that his siblings had been allowed to leave the home without any guilt. I also argued [...]

The ‘Negative’ side to being an only child

One of the visitor posts on ‘How only child prejudice affects the family’ states significantly that: “There is a negative side to being an only child, but this is not often discussed.” I whole-heartedly agree. There seems to be a strong wish to overlook some of the shortcomings that can be a result of being brought up as an only child. The writer, very honestly goes on to say: “I fit all the stereotypes…spoiled, selfish, over-protected. I do not blend in with other people and I do not know how to do things other people do, even basic things like cooking. (What if I burned myself? What if a pot boiled over?) I think the key element here is being over-protected. Not that, of course, all only children are over-protected. At the other end of the spectrum some are in fact quite neglected. However first children are nearly always more [...]

Is it selfish to only have one child?

This was the crux of the article published in the Daily Mail on the 16th April. Having been asked to comment about this, on live radio, I was interested to read Caroline Jones article on her experience of the overwhelming expectations from others, even complete strangers, that she should have another child to ensure her child would not be an only. She said she felt ‘bullied’ by people’s opinions and that her wish to have only one was viewed as ‘selfish’. Am I surprised by her experience? No! One of the interesting aspects, revealed in my evidence based research, is the continual pressure placed on one child families to have another child. She is absolutely right when she says that it is worse after you have had one child, as when you have none people are more sensitive to potential fertility problems. But have one child and that all changes. [...]

Sharing or Taking?

I am continuing to look at that thorny subject of sharing and I was particularly pleased to receive thoughts from various people after my article on ‘Do only children know how to share?’ I have incorporated these ideas with some of my own to take the discussion further. In my experience it is often true that as Kei says: ‘while only children are less inclined towards “sharing”, we are much more sensitive and opposed to “taking.”’ As an only-child I would not have dreamed of taking my parent things without asking – I would expect that is true of most children. However when my own children were growing up I found it surprising how often they took each other’s things – and often mine now I think about it! When I remarried (another only child) his biggest difficulty was the way he saw my children helping themselves to his cd’s, [...]

Are only children happier? Bernice responds to recent articles that say they are.

Households with a single child now outnumber those with two (by more than half a million) and make up 46 per cent of all families. An article in the The Daily Mail stated that recent research concluded only children were happier than sibling children: Why an only child is happier than those who have brothers and sisters. Similarly the Observer article: An only child is a happy child claimed, from the same research: that because children with siblings encounter sibling rivalry and reduced parental attention, and worse still sibling bullying, an only child must be happier simply because they do not have a sibling. More recently “The Week” also published a similar article: Are Only Children Happier? Is this true? First of all, the research as far as I have read, is based on a large scale survey conducted in Britain by the Economic and Social Research Council. It does [...]

Only Child Syndrome?

What is only child syndrome? Bernice thought this article from Durango would be an interesting opener – feel free to add your comments. Left is a German cartoon. The German on the right is saying, “He’s an only child, isn’t he?” To which the one on the left says, “He is now!” by Durango Texas:- The Only Children I’ve known have all pretty much matched the cliches about children who had no siblings. Spoiled, bratty, self-centered, selfish, an odd sense of entitlement, difficult to get along with plus a tendency to say inappropriate things that are rude and ill-mannered. Yet being extremely hyper-sensitive and brittle about even the most remotely critical remark going in their direction. In other words, Only Children give themselves the permission to act, without expecting a consequence, in ways that when others act in a similar way to the Only Child, the Only Child becomes irrationally [...]

I feel so solitary with aged parents

At this moment in time I have just scanned the web as I am just overwhelmed  with the shear scale of emotional and physical support required of me to  support my parents aged 81 and 80 years old, I have just put the telephone  down at 10.00pm after my father has rung me saying he does not know what to do with my mother who is crying and in pain. I am at 56 year of age, just being able to enjoy life after working hard but being pulled back again and again, more and more to help my parents. Its has been so hard to show love for the both of them now, when they both so desperately need it and I have to forgive and forget all the years that went before when all I needed was a cuddle from them.  I know I sound selfish and just at the moment [...]

← Previous Entries

selfish

Do all adolescence feel lonely? Are elderly parents a problem for everyone?

When having another child is not an option – yet families are still stereotyped as selfish

The ‘Negative’ side to being an only child

Is it selfish to only have one child?

Are only children happier? Bernice responds to recent articles that say they are.

Only Child Syndrome?

I feel so solitary with aged parents

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