narcissism

Are you narcissistic? Is this part of the only-child syndrome?

Returning to the theme in a previous post on narcissism, I thought it would be useful to explore this further, not just about parents of only-child adults, but ourselves as only-children. I have to start by saying I am not a lover of diagnostic titles that pathologies human behaviour. All behaviour is on a spectrum and it is too easy to fall into the trap of thinking you either have a particular diagnosis or you don’t i.e. you are narcissistic or you are not. However it is much truer to ask: Do we all have narcissistic tendencies? and if so, Do only-children have them more than most? As narcissism appears to be at the heart of the negative stereotype of the only child, and part of the so-called ‘only-child syndrome’ I think it is a useful idea to explore. Lets start by looking at what is seen to be narcissistic [...]

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Do parents of only children tend to be more passive-aggressive and/or narcissistic?

I thought this was an interesting question put to me in the following email: “Is passive-aggressive and narcissistic behaviour usually common among parents of onlies? Because my parents have been that way all through my marriage, and since I’ve stood up to them they’ve been worse, almost to the point of manipulation. I find myself angry a lot because they just won’t be adults and have the emotional maturity to recognize things could be a lot better. I find myself wondering what I should be thinking and doing- I have trouble thinking for myself, and question if I’m right. It’s tough. Any help or advice would be great.” Tom I considered that it might be useful to respond to these questions. However I would also like to open it to others to give their experience.I suppose my first reaction is no I don’t think this statement “Do parents of only [...]

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Are only child adults difficult partners? (Parents)

Only child adult challenges in relationships: 1.   Introdcution 2.   Dealing with the need for space and intimacy 3.  Dealing with conflict 4.  Dealing with one’s own parents Continuing with the theme of only child adults as partners, and having looked at the first three of the above four issues, I will now look at the often thorny problem of relationships with parents and how they can impinge on the partnership with the only child adult. Why can parents of onlies be such a problem in a relationship? Well of course like many other situations it is not always the case that parents are a problem! I don’t think my own parents were at all problematic in my relationships. However from the emails I receive and the couples and individuals I have worked with, it is clear that some people do experience problems with what I would describe as the intrusiveness of their parents. A recent post “What do I do?” gives [...]

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What exactly is only child syndrome?

  Since I posted Durango’s article on only child syndrome there has been quite a lot of response – so I thought I would  post some of my research and thoughts. The word syndrome taken from the Greek word ‘sundromos’ meaning ‘running together’, is used for a group of symptoms that collectively indicate or characterize a disease or psychological disorder, and can be attributed to a distinctive or characteristic pattern of behaviour. The strong medical connotations and the negative meaning usually attached to the word syndrome makes the word emotive and in many ways derogatory to the experience of the only-child. However I will explore this so called ‘syndrome’ from only child literature, popular ideas and prejudice.  Shil1978 wrote in ‘Pros and Cons of Being The Only Child’: The advantages could be that you get the undivided love and attention of your parents. They would dote on you more and [...]

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Only Child Stigma – how do we compensate?

This is an interesting email which demonstrates that even we are aware of the stigma of being an only child and do everything to compensate for those ‘narcissistic’ tendencies which we all apparently have!  – Its hard to break people’s perception or expectations however hard we try…… Hi there Bernice. I was really impressed with the only child site. I am a 24 year old only who grew up with a single mother diagnosed with manic depression. I have a half brother, and moved home when I was 17 now I’m about to graduate from an art degree. I have been through complete hell with my apparent  ’narcissism’  and I feel that this has been the perception that many have of me – despite running marathons and partaking in all kinds of crazy events for charity, working on a help line, being a carer and supporting myself and while being extremely [...]

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