intimacy

Are only child adults difficult partners? (Space and Intimacy)

Only child adult challenges in relationships: 1.   Introduction 2.  Dealing with the need for space and intimacy 3.  Dealing with conflict 4.  Dealing with one’s own parents This is my second post on ‘Are only children difficult partners?’ All human beings have a need for both intimacy and space. However many adult only children have often been brought up enjoying a lot of personal space, because they have not had to share with this siblings. However experiencing periods of time alone or at least without play mates may mean they and have found important ways to be on there own and use time in ways that does not necessitate people. A lot of only children enjoy their own company (see Trooper and Arianna’s stories). So much so they may choose not to have partners themselves. However those of us who do, may find it hard at times to share space with a partner. Living alone can seem [...]

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Are only child adults difficult partners? (Introduction)

Of course not! I want to take up the challenge offered by ChildOfonly in June 2012: ‘Does Bernice have any suggestions about how to get an only, of whatever age, to start beginning to gain perspective on life?’ I am always very pleased when I get responses to my posts. I do try and incorporate them in updates on new topics or as a result of further ideas that are raised by people’s responses. This series of posts have come out of my thoughts concerning a previous post: ‘So how does the only child adult deal with conflict?’ The responses received from this post were primarily from women who wrote about partners who can only deal with conflict by walking out, as Asmira found: “It was not until I had been married for a few months that I realised this grown up only child didn’t know how to deal with conflict in our relationship. [...]

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So how does the only child adult deal with conflict?

This is one of the issues that I have read many times in emails from adult only children. Most of us – and I include myself in this – do not find conflict an easy thing to deal with or negotiate successfully. Many of us have a tendency to avoid it almost at any cost. This can be achieved in a number of ways like: turning the other cheek, pretending we are not upset really, or just sulking. The continuum stretches from complete avoidance to out bursts of fury and hostility. What we find much more difficult, is to be calm, negotiate and find a win – win solution. As a child in a family with no siblings we did not have the opportunities to row, be angry and fall out with children of a similar age. Being angry with a parent is a very different matter. If parents’  are [...]

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Life Stages: Young adulthood

Here is the next in the series I have written on life stages of the only child. Previous ones are: Infancy; Early School Years and Adolescence. We saw  that adolescence is characterised by forming an identity, separate from parent ideals and expectations. Young adulthood is characterised by achieving some degree of intimacy through relationships, as opposed to remaining in isolation. Children with siblings spend more time together and relatively little time alone, thus giving them many opportunities to be with another human being of a similar age and stage. (it is believed approximately 33% of the day siblings interact with one another). This is very different for the only-child who has probably spent their 33% of time on their own, playing with toys, imaginary friends or pets. Whilst this gives them useful experience of being alone and finding ways to amuse themselves, the detrimental side is that it is not [...]

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