Workshop experiences

My experience of being an only

Loneliness as a child in relationships in life It also strikes me I feel I have always had to cope There was no-one to share with as a child everything fell on my shoulders. It’s very claustrophobic there wasn’t any way out there wasn’t anywhere to go really trapped in a way I couldn’t bypass them I couldn’t get anywhere without going through either mum or dad I always felt if there’d been two of us it would have been so easy I think it’s affected my confidence in myself I was so isolated it’s narrowed my experience of being a child in the way I feel – I very much lived in an adult world a lost, lonely figure is the image I now see No-one to be a child with It was kind of not feeling met at my own pace and space Not having space to express [...]

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On Surviving the Stigma workshop

As part of the workshop statements were made which we would like to convey to others about the experience of being an only. To others: I would like you to know that being an only child is lonely and scary but when you grow up you have the resources to do something about it. (Janice) To my father: I would like my father to know I am not him but I am me, comfortable with my thoughts and feelings and proud of who I am. (Linda) To my parents: I want you to know that I am who I am – a separate identifiable person who has his own thoughts and ways of being, who is what he is and is not going to change for you. (David) To others Please don’t take any aspect of the relationship for granted or assume – acknowledge ME! (Lesley) To friends: I’ll never [...]

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I’m not the only one!

I think it was the first time I had actually sat down with a group of professionals who were only children, and we talked about what it was like. I think what stood out for me, it kept ringing in my head: ‘God I’m not the only one, I’m not the only one who feels this’ and it was a revelation really. And what happened in the workshop, was that we spent time on our own in different configurations, and then I think we all sat in the middle and said what it was like to be in that position in the family. What I remember was that… when we spoke about how it was, like it was a revelation to the whole group. I remember people saying :‘God it sounds like hell being an only child’ and that really was like the recognition from other people, from other positions, [...]

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What I need as an only

Poem from the workshop: – October 23rd 2004 Daddy I needed you to help me grow up become more balanced, less worried, less temperamental, less emotionally needy I know you are pleased with what I am more than my mother but you still expect me to watch over you Mummy, I needed you to be less possessive less doting you wanted me to be your shadow your re-incarnation your chance to have another life to compensate for your failed one Now I am so messed up I don’t know how to move on I want to have what most people have emotionally let me go let me be free I will still love you much, too much If only I had not been a good girl If only I had not been so obedient Some day I’ll understand why it has been so difficult to keep afloat Bookmark on Delicious [...]

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