Stories

I loved being an only-child!

I have read your website and it’s postings with great interest. With the exception of a few it seems that being an only child is perceived as a negative thing, and seems to have had a predominantly detrimental impact on many of your readers and contributors lives. I can relate to many of the observations, not being able to play board games alone (although I had a bloody good try), the worry of ending up alone should anything happen to your parents (I live with this to this day) , and the jealousy of others and their relationships with their siblings. I never thought anyone felt that way, as I did, and as I expect we all have at one time or another. I am the only child of two devoted older parents, I am now 24, my father will be 77 this year and my mother 67. When I [...]

Being an only isn’t a terrible thing- but helps to explain what makes “me”

I just found your website and have to be honest, I am amazed, I never realised other people found it so bad. I must admit that I haven’t found it so good myself, to the extent that I quite deliberately had two children close together. Part of me feels as though I am incredibly special and the other part knows I have no major talents, and am just like everyone else. Power struggles whilst growing up with my mother. Feeling like my parents didn’t really see “me” but wanted to sculpt me into whatever I should have been. Being over sensitive when people are just difficult and trying over and over to get them to like me, clearly its all my fault. Feeling alone. Feeling misunderstood. Not seeming to understand societies rules, and so always feeling as though I am slow in some capacity! I cant stress enough that I [...]

Only and lonely child!

Message from New Zealand I have read other people’s accounts and it has brought me some relief to know that I am certainly not the only one to suffer from being an only and lonely child… Not only has this been the issue of my life, but I STILL cry at the mention of any kind of brother/sister bonding. Literally, I CRY. The envy eats me up inside. I cannot help but feel jealous and ask the inevitable “WHY”… It hurts so much, no one will ever know or feel it. People can only empathize so much but they will never know how it’s like to grow up alone, ALONE. Even my family and cousins lived abroad. I only had mySELF and my parents- who were never on good terms anyway. Relationships? Who in God’s name knows HOW they can succeed? I have had problems with the dynamics of communication [...]

Do all onlies feel desperate for a sibling?

I don’t know whether it is common desire in ‘onlies’, but I was desperate for a brother or sister and this feeling only seemed to intensify as I grew older. It is only now in my early thirties that I am finding some self-acceptance about not having brothers and sisters. I do admit to still having a slight envy at ‘big’ families; siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews. In fact, even as I write I feel that tinge of sadness about the fact that I will never have a brother or a sister. I will never have that experience of a shared childhood and the knowledge that someone knows your past. It was definitely a grieving process for me, going through the painful feelings of loss and loneliness to finally accepting what I have here in this life. Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with [...]

Does anyone else feel guilt and presssure from their parent’s?

I found your website very interesting. I am in my mid thirties and as an only child can relate to many of the issues that were discussed in your research interviews. One thing which I have lived with (and continue to do so) is the guilt and pressure you feel when you are the sole focus of your parents attention. My dad had me when he was in his early forties and I was very much a daddy’s girl, my parents divorced and he died recently. I found that the more ill he became the more distant I became towards him since I found the guilt of trying to live my own life overwhelming and couldn’t stand the pressure of this guilt which was not coming from him but from me. Of course now he is no longer here I feel terrible and wish I could have done things differently. [...]

The other side of the story- thankyou!

Thank you very much for showing the other side of the story! All I can find here in the USA are websites and articles telling how wonderful it is to be an only, how it doesn’t make a difference and may be an advantage etc. I am past 50 yrs old, an only child. I have always hated it, and ashamed of it, to this day I tell people I have a sister. Talk about stereotypes…spoiled, overprotected, selfish. I am all of that. My parents were so afraid I’d get hurt, I never learned any sports, never even learned to ride a bicycle or drive a car. I can’t cook, can barely boil water. My parents also had the idea they were better than everyone else, and had no friends; as a result, I had a big problem making friends. I have never had a boyfriend, never a date. I [...]

I was happy to be an only but now I’m older…

I am 22 years old and my mum is 62 she was nearly 40 when she had me and my dad left us shortly after which is the obvious reason why my mum never had anymore children. When I was younger I was happy enough to be an ‘only’ child I never really thought ‘Oh I wish I had a sister or brother’ but now as I have got older my views have changed. I now wish with all my heart that I had a sister or a brother. All I have in the world is my mother and I am all she has. This puts an incredible amount of pressure on me. Dont get me wrong I love my mum to bits – maybe too much… I worry constantly because she’s older than most of my friends mums. I worry about loosing her and being alone and obviously because [...]

Adopted male only

It was a comfort somewhat stumbling quite accidental upon your site, having never had encounters with other only children or their experiences, I am a 36 year old father of two great boys now. But still live with the emotional difficulties from not only being an only child, but also being adopted. I have read some literature on the adoption side of things, the feelings of guilt, shame, and unworthiness of being adopted. But knew being an only child in some way to added to these feeling, now having also seen your site I see that` only children` do also feel this same way and I as an only child share theirs. I have never meet with other only children or adopted people, and now I feel in some way from my lonely childhood that I must take the burden of these feelings and I am now at a stage [...]

I would never have an only child!

Being an only child, taught me, that one day when I got married I never wanted just one child, because I did not want them to go through what I went through, even though it sounds lovely, it was a very lonely and solitary existence at times. I was lucky in many ways, but feel that in other ways you miss out so much. I never learnt from brothers or sisters who had children, the experiences of looking after babies, I never changed a nappy until I had my own children, I had never looked after a baby and did not have a clue, until I had my own. I never had cousins to play with or aunties or uncles popping in or baby sitting. In a way it was harder being an only child who wanted for nothing, than being in a larger family, learning about life, and how [...]

Is being an only more problematic as you get older?

After reading the honest, open and heartfelt contributions of other people who wanted to share their experiences, and after two tears formed on reading some, I knew writing to you was something that I had to do. To give a little background, I was raised by my mother, and for a few years, her partner. My biological father was not on the scene, as they broke up before my birth. My mother has two sisters and one brother. Due to family dynamic caused in part by sexual abuse within the family, my mother has a very strained relationship with my grandmother, her siblings, and the wider family. Hence, cousins did not play apart in my childhood. I had lots of fun while growing up. I lived in an area which had lots of children, and made friends easily. I was good at sport, and good at school, but found navigating [...]

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