Stories

My parents are my life..but when they die..

This is the first time I have reached out to research “being an only child” I do often think about it and I was glad to find your website. It is hard to know if being an only is what has made me the way I am or is it just emotional problems stemming from many experiences in my life. I do however, know this; I despise being an only and have pictured in my minds eye, the concept of having a brother or sister to the point that I really think (for a second) I could feel what it “felt” like to have that. Sounds a bit crazy, but is true. It has brought me to tears. I find I feel very lonely, especially when other friendships OR relationships are not meeting my needs. Both of my parents (in there late 50″s) have health problems that I bear wastefully [...]

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Did you ever long for a sibling?

Having skimmed your website several times, I now write to share my situation. I am now 31 year old Only Child myself, I had a comparatively privileged upbringing (a world of Private Schools, Ponies and all the toys you could every wish for plus a few!!) and always knew I was loved by my parents. My upbringing was not harsh or unhappy, although the rows were plentiful between both my parents themselves and them and myself, in fact I would say I had a great childhood with many happy memories. But I always longed for that sibling Any thoughts anyone has would be welcomed!………….Anna Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Share on technorati Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on this post Bookmark in Browser

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Was I lucky? Was I spoilt?

I am a 54 year old only child living in Australia. My father was 42 and my mother 35 when I was born. I was assured by my parents when I was growing up that I was spoilt and luckier than other children because I had no siblings I had to share with. I believed this for some time, but as I grew older I realised it was a fallacy. I was given very few toys as this would spoil me, and clothes were basically hand-me -downs from cousins as my parents were convinced I would be over indulged otherwise. I played contentedly with my few toys – became very skilled with a tennis ball, lots of imagination games with my 2 dolls, yo yo’s were also a favourite with all the time I spent practicing tricks. Fortunately, when I did finally settle into school socially – about age 10 [...]

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Does anyone else find Christmas difficult?

It’s Boxing Day and, as I’ve done for many years now, I have just managed to ‘get through’ another Christmas. All around everyone seems to be moaning about being stuck with the family having no idea what it’s like to be, as it were, standing outside in the snow and cold looking through the window at family life. I was born just after the war at a time when women obtained their only status by becoming a wife and mother. My mother had to wait six years before I came along and, whilst I now appreciate how difficult that must have been for her, I have always felt that my only reason for being alive is to give my mother the status of ‘mother’. She rarely praised me (though she was never unkind) because she was so scared I’d be seen as a ‘spoilt only’. This was all about her [...]

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Anyone in the same boat?

I am a male only child and at forty years of age can look back on my life and say it has played a part in at least ninety percent of it. I was married very young had two beautiful daughters but sadly the marriage was rocky, mostly my fault, I left and the work I was in took me to another country. I kept in constant contact with the kids and between my traveling back and they coming over we are very close, but I have an overpowering feeling of guilt at having left them. The girl I’m with now is the love of my life, we tried to have kids but to no success, this is affecting me more than her. My want of children and thinking that without them it cant be a home has threatened our relationship. I can relate to most of your e-mails as [...]

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I’m a happy 80 year old male only-child!

I am an only child, I have now reached the age of Eighty Years and have been a bachelor all those years and at no time have I regretted being an only child. My parents were not in any way different from their peers of that period. My father was a soldier and was serving in India at the time of my conception, my mother decided that she would return to England for the birth. My very early years were spent in military married quarters as my father was a warrent officer and thus entitled to accommodation. I went to an Army school where very strict discipline was maintained, but the education stood me in good stead for later life. At the age of eight I was sent to prep school as a full time border and it was excellent. At the age of ten thanks to the sacrifice of [...]

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A positive experience but can we laugh at ourselves?

I found your website purely by chance. I’m having a difficult time in my career right now and did a Google search on “suitable careers for an only child.” I didn’t find a suitable career, but read with great relish some of the narratives on your website. My life has been rich and interesting. I was born to a female only child, who married my father, the eldest son with a younger sister. I was their product, and the product of my dad’s second marriage. He had a daughter from his first marriage, another only child (who went on to marry an only child!), who I no longer see since my father’s death. I have fond memories of my childhood. We were very hard up when I was growing up, so while I had lots of love and affection I had very little materialistically. I had an imagination and my [...]

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Living with alcoholic parents

I recently found your website and read with interest many of the comments that echo my own experiences as an only child. That was most helpful. Many of the stories were wonderfully optimistic and portrayed loving parents who nurtured and supported their only children. I loved these stories. My particular situation, however, was rampant with dysfunction that I truly think compounded the only child circumstance. Both my parents were alcoholics. We were not poor, did not live on the wrong side of town, my parents were not criminals and I did not go without the essentials of food, clothing and shelter during my childhood. As I have come to know after years of trying to understand alcoholism, an alcoholic puts the “condition” ahead of all else in their lives. That is to say, meeting the need of the alcoholism comes before the children, the home, the extended family, everything. Therefore, [...]

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Guilt in leaving parents and moving abroad

I am 32 years old, an only child born abroad and now living in the UK. Happily married to a man much older than me and enjoying bringing up my two young children. My parents still live abroad. I text my mum everyday and we speak on the phone once a week. Part of me is happy with the decision I made while another part cannot shake off the feeling of guilt. Back home, over 10 years ago, I felt I was just a ‘background’, an attachment to their life, a bit of a nuisance – they were pursuing their careers and filled their spare time with gardening and other ‘useful’ things. Things had to have their purpose, not much room for fun. They chose not to have a second child – and perhaps they still think it was a good choice, or maybe they regret it now, as they [...]

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I have always felt lonely and different

I was born in 1937, an only child of a very possessive mother, and a henpecked father. Both parents’ professional people, so from the age of five I was a ‘latchkey child’. I had to cook my father’s supper at the age of 11 years, as mother did not arrive home until late in the evening. Although I had school friends, I suffered terrible loneliness at weekends and evenings. I always thought that I was adopted, as my mother never once showed me any affection, and my father was very official towards me. I married and had 2 children (I was determined not to have just one). I had to divorce after 31years of marriage because of a violent and abusive husband. I had no brothers or sisters to support me, and I became even more isolated. I am now a pensioner on my own, caring for my now 94yrs [...]

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