A perspective from the 1980′s

Hello, I am an only child, now 22 year old adult. I hated being an only child and I struggled a lot with loneliness and grief. What extenuated the loneliness I felt was my dysfunctional family. Early Life: My mom more or less destroyed every shred of a relationship with her siblings, so I didn’t even have the ability to connect well with my extended family. I always longed for a sibling but because of my mother’s mental health issues, I wasn’t even allowed to own a pet, which broke my heart. I am a very social person by nature and the pain and isolation caused by my upbringing still haunts me to this day. I remember daydreaming and creating my own “dream family” complete with all kinds of siblings and pets. It was my way of trying to survive. To this day, I feel as though I have a difficult time relating to small children because I did not have [...]

Read more…

1930′s: Michael Winner: ‘I was an only child and very lonely’

I thought this was an interesting glimpse into a ‘famous’ only child’s life! How many of us like Michael want to hold on to the things in our childhood which gave us enjoyment and meaning. I find it hard to let go some of the things from my childhood especially now my parents are dead. Holding onto those memories via objects which I grew up with seems very important. I wonder if others feel the same? Christopher Middleton’s interview with the film director explains why he is parting with his cherished collection of children’s book illustrations. So what made the famously hard-boiled Winner go gooey over pictures of sprites, fairies and bears? It’s not a matter of getting older: he is 76 now but the collecting started back in 1984, when he was in his pugnacious prime. “I suppose,” he says, after some reflection, “that by buying this children’s art and having it on my walls, I have been doing what I have done my entire [...]

Read more…

Jenni Murray: The lifelong pain of being a ‘lonely only’

As it’s revealed one-child families will soon be the norm, JENNI MURRAY mourns the sibling she never had. By Jenni Murray His name is David Robert and he’s my baby brother. He was born only last night. This was my boast to the school dinner ladies. But the truth was that I didn’t have a baby brother — a lie that was humiliatingly revealed when my mother turned up to a school function that night and was teased for having a pregnancy that had never shown. The next day I faced the full force of her fury. I was smacked for telling such a whopper, denied a month’s pocket money and grounded for two weeks (child psychology in Barnsley was, I fear, in its infancy in the Fifties).  But the truth was, at the age of seven, I desperately wanted a brother (David Robert was the name I would have [...]

Read more…

Solitary refinement: by Anna Sansom

Here is an interesting article by Anna Sansom - Published in Viewpoint magazine November 2012  More and more parents in the west are choosing to have just one child. Will this siblingless society share the difficulties that have arisen from the policy in China? As an only child herself, Eve Bitoun – a French actress in her late 30s – is particularly conscious of how she is single-handedly bringing up her three-year-old only son, Richard. ‘I’m aware that you have to teach your child to share, because they receive what two or three children would receive,’ she says. ‘So they have to be able to give more. I also want to try to help my son avoid the same mistake of taking on the burden of a parent’s problems. Sometimes you feel responsible and guilty very young and this hampers your development.’ Asked if she wishes that she had a sibling, Bitoun replies, ‘I didn’t [...]

Read more…

How I noticed the stereotyping of the only child – A mother’s view

Vivian Cameron-Gallo writes about her experience of having an only child and how it prompted her to write a book to promote the positive experiences of a family of three: I never really observed the only child labels before, they really didn’t affect me having grown up with an older sister. My Dad is an only child but I never seemed to have been exposed to the stereotypes of the only child with regard to my Dad. Maybe this was because he was five years old when the Great Depression began here in America. Many families were smaller at this time as people were struggling to make ends meet and one more mouth to feed would have been a hardship. Kids growing up during this era were resilient. My Dad would never fit the stereotypes of the only child. I couldn’t possibly imagine anyone calling him spoiled, selfish or lonely, in fact he is quite the opposite. So [...]

Read more…

Only Child Syndrome: Stereotyping In Disguise!

  Here is an interesting article and the start of some research from 17 year old Alexandra Baker whose own experience has inspired her to do a project on only child stereotyping. If you want to take part click the link below! Link to the survey: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/6HJDBWZ Alexandra says: As an only child, I have been intrigued (and often angered!) by the comments made by others who say all only children are lonely spoiled brats who are unable to share. Where has this unfair presumption come from? I am a 17-year-old student from the UK and my first-hand experience of such negative comments has inspired me to undertake a project (Extended Project Qualification) looking into only children and how they are viewed by others. Through my project I hope to show that only children don’t deserve such unfair stereotyping. I’m sure many only children have overheard people talking about only children and heard them being described as ‘spoiled’, ‘lonely’ and [...]

Read more…

Trooper: A happy 80 year old only child.

Here is a heart warming story from ‘Trooper’ who celebrates his life as an only child demonstrating the challenges and ways to overcome them. I am now in my eighty third year and I am an “only child”.  I have never married, I have never felt the need to be tied. I walked away from all family ties after my mother passed away in 1982 (my father having pre deceased her) even before this I had little contact with the family at large for a number of years (my choice). It was made very plain to me at the age of six that I would be the only one, there would be no other siblings, so I had best understand I was to be my own man. My father was a professional soldier, and working hard to improve his position, my mother was a senior Civil Servant in the Foreign [...]

Read more…

A chance to offer your perspective!

Rise of the Onlies – A feature length documentary After making her first documentary Seeking Happily Ever After Michelle Cove understood the blood, sweat, tears that go into taking on such a project. She vowed she was done with films—unless something truly irresistible came up.  Then the idea struck: Michelle, mom to an only child by choice, became fascinated by the world of one-child families, the fastest growing family type in the U.S. (She is filming only in the U.S. but plans to seek international distribution.) So once again, Michelle picked up her video camera and started shooting her next feature-length documentary Rise of the Onlies (www.riseoftheonlies.com). In this feature-length film, Michelle will be exploring what stereotypes of only children still exist, why they persist, and which can be debunked; what, if any, generalizations CAN be made about only children; and how others can understand what is quickly becoming the [...]

Read more…

A second child may prove to be a miracle too many…

Here is an article by Kate Brian, whose new book Precious Babies has just been released. Kate Brian is a writer and editor who has written four books about infertility, including The Complete Guide to IVF and The Complete Guide to Female Fertility. She was awarded for her work for Infertility Network UK and has been closely involved with the charity for many years. Kate regularly appears on radio and TV as an expert on fertility and has two children who were born after IVF treatment. Her latest book, Precious Babies, looks at pregnancy, birth and parenting after infertility and includes a chapter specifically aimed at parents who have an only child. Kate Brian: For anyone trying unsuccessfully to conceive, the idea of having one child would be the answer to every dream. When the dream becomes a reality, it can be surprising how quickly the possibility of trying again [...]

Read more…

Janel: 18 year old only

Being an only I am an only child who lives with my two parents. Since dad was from a family of ten children and mom was one of eight children, sharing possessions as children translated in such charity of today. On the other hand, I was raised as an only child who did not share much with them because I received all of their attention and resources. Therefore, I see myself as a little adult because my mom and I always talked about the news, politics, and good books. She also took me on field trips to different places within the tri-State area; in fact, my dad always bought me expensive gifts at times and tried to teach me life lessons that were often more humorous than serious. Being surrounded by just my two parents all my life was highly influential, yet sometimes it seemed overbearing. What I need as [...]

Read more…