A perspective from the 1990′s

by on July 29, 2013

in Guest Onlies

I’m 15 years old and all my life I have hated being an only child.  I only had time to skim through a couple of your stories in the research section and the first two I read definitely stood out to me.  People always think I’m spoiled, but it’s not true at all and I often envy other people with siblings.  I think one time I was at the grocery store and I saw these two siblings fighting over something.  It was so cute how the little girl admired her brother so much and wanted to be just like him but at the same time was so mad at him for pushing her.  The next time I looked over she was holding his hand and he was pushing her away out of “embarrassment”.  I think I almost started crying right there and I’m not a very emotional person.  I knew I would never have that bond with anyone.  I’ve always been a bit of a loner, but at the same time I have lots of friends.

I noticed that one of my friends during lunch will always ask “someone come in line with me, I don’t want to go by myself” and I don’t understand it at all.  A lot of times I prefer to be by myself and I hate me for that.  It gave me social problems when I was younger cause I didnt know how to interact well with other people.  but I’ve sort of figured it out now.  People always call me spoiled and I wanna punch every single one of them for saying it because I’m not.

As an only child, I spend WAY too much time alone with my parents and its caused some serious problems with our relationship now because I’m so tired of them,  and then I get this thought, what happens when they die?  Friends fade, but family is forever.  Thats what they say right?  Well what about when your family dies?  Sure I have uncles and aunts and cousins, but sadly I don’t see any of them on enough of a regular basis to be close.  If they are gone, and I’m still not married, I’ll have no one.  No one in the world I can count on.  Sadly, once again, that doesn’t even scare me that much cause I’m so used to being alone.  I’m so independent, I don’t need anyone.  I’ve always figured out a way to deal with things on my own and I’ve always been very smart.  I’m a very outgoing person and high achiever, always striving for the best, not accepting anything below that, but at the same time I’m inverted certain ways.  I feel like I’m missing something though, I don’t feel like my family is normal at all without that other sibling.  I matured so much faster than all my other friends because I was always around adults or my parents because I had no other sibling.  That made it difficult for me to get along with other people as well.

Anyway, sorry for the novel.  I guess I’m kinda thinking no one will actually respond to me.  Maybe this is my way of venting, I have no idea.  All I know is I’m an only child, and I hate it! and I hate that it’s so overlooked in our society.  No one should go through life without a sibling…..

  • margeaux

    I completely understand u. im 20 and still feel a nagging void in my gut. I don’t have any answers its just comforting that even tho I am an only child im not the only person going thru the same feeling

  • Jillian

    Hey! I’m right there with you. I’m 30 now and am so jealous of my best friend who is so close to her two sisters. I remember wanting a sibling when I was little, and being alone always forced me to play with my parents. My mom told me when I went to school for the first time, I was mad at the kids who ran away while I was talking to them. I had been so used to being with adults and being listened to.

    I don’t have much family either. My aunts/uncles/cousins are few and far away. I am in a relationship, but he’s an only child too. I recently moved out of my house with my parents to be with my boyfriend, and I was having really bad separation anxiety, even though we were only an hour apart.

    I know what you mean about being a loner. I love my few close friends, when I can see them, but most of the time I prefer to be alone. It’s almost comforting, and weird when I think about it.

    There was a point in time I was glad I was alone, like when I went through high school and college. I was able to participate in all the band trips and such and go to the college I wanted, which I probably couldn’t have done if there was another child to split the money between.

    So, yeah, there’s a void. And it seems like no one can fill it sometimes, even though I love my boyfriend. I’ve read other things how only children sometimes never feel that same connection like other people. I wouldn’t make a generalization about it though.

    Finally, the only thing that really bugs me about me that I blame on being an only child is me being very possessive. I can’t get away with it, whether it’s money, things, etc. I’m very careful with my things.

    Anyway, those are my random, yet some similar thoughts to yours. :) Thanks for sharing.

  • Ellie

    I recently turned 21 and am also an only child. During my childhood i never really questioned that fact, and i was more than happy. However I do recall panicking on several occassions in my teens with those “if i dont get married and have a family i’ll be ALL alone.” moments which truly scared me. Similarly i too matured quickly and very often found my peers childish and quickly bored of their immature behaviour, which sometimes made me feel like an outsider. I actually dont have any cousins even though I have three uncles and an aunty, none of whom have any children. It’s only as I’ve gotten older that i think it would have been nice to have had a sibling, someone to reminisce with etc and someone to be there for when my parents grow old. I have one particular friend who i grew up with, she has twin brothers 7 years younger than herself and their relationship is so special, i do find myself feeling pangs of envy when i spend time with them but then i have another friend who claims if she wasn’t related to her sister she would never chose to associate with her, it is of those things i will never be able to pass judgment on. One thing i know for sure though is that when i hopefully settle down and start a family i will have more than one child. :)

  • natalie bond

    Hi there!
    I know I am reading this a few years after it has been posted, but I am hoping you will still see my reply! While reading this, it actually felt like something I had written myself. Every aspect of how you felt about being an only child is what I feel also. I am extremely independent, to the point of loving being alone, but at the same time I also have many friends. It’s a very strange feeling to be an introvert and extrovert at the same time. I also identify with the dysfunctional family. There has never been a moment where I have felt like I was not an outsider to my own family, and have had to go through things that would have been a lot easier for me if I had a sibling/or siblings. I also lived very far from my grade school high school, so I never could really “hangout” with friends that I had in school unless we made plans in advance, and this also made me feel like I was never a part of any community, which made me feel very alone. After years of this, I grew to like being alone, but this feeling could possibly be a defense mechanism my brain did in order to block out feelings of hate from loneliness. I am in college now, but now more than ever do I feel the pain of aging parents who are extremely different than me because of age differences, and am dealing with the fear of older family members passing and in turn not having anyone. Does anyone identify with this as an only child? I would love to share thoughts with you if this is the case! :)

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