January 2013

Solitary refinement: by Anna Sansom

Here is an interesting article by Anna Sansom - Published in Viewpoint magazine November 2012  More and more parents in the west are choosing to have just one child. Will this siblingless society share the difficulties that have arisen from the policy in China? As an only child herself, Eve Bitoun – a French actress in her late 30s – is particularly conscious of how she is single-handedly bringing up her three-year-old only son, Richard. ‘I’m aware that you have to teach your child to share, because they receive what two or three children would receive,’ she says. ‘So they have to be able to give more. I also want to try to help my son avoid the same mistake of taking on the burden of a parent’s problems. Sometimes you feel responsible and guilty very young and this hampers your development.’ Asked if she wishes that she had a sibling, Bitoun replies, ‘I didn’t [...]

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Are only child adults difficult partners? (Parents)

Only child adult challenges in relationships: 1.   Introdcution 2.   Dealing with the need for space and intimacy 3.  Dealing with conflict 4.  Dealing with one’s own parents Continuing with the theme of only child adults as partners, and having looked at the first three of the above four issues, I will now look at the often thorny problem of relationships with parents and how they can impinge on the partnership with the only child adult. Why can parents of onlies be such a problem in a relationship? Well of course like many other situations it is not always the case that parents are a problem! I don’t think my own parents were at all problematic in my relationships. However from the emails I receive and the couples and individuals I have worked with, it is clear that some people do experience problems with what I would describe as the intrusiveness of their parents. A recent post “What do I do?” gives [...]

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Happy New Year 2013!

I just wanted to say a big ‘Thankyou’ to all the people who have contributed to this website and sent emails to me. I really appreciate people’s views and the sharing of experience. We have gone from strength to strength over this last year and now feature high on the search engines. Amazingly we  have over 7000 visits a month. That is more than double the 3000 we achieved  in November 2011! Christmas is not an easy time for us onlies, when people spend so much time with family. It is particularly difficult when we have lost our parents and have few close relations. I always try and remember that true family are those people who we choose to spend our time with, not just those who are our blood relations. I will be taking the month of January off. However I will still be doing my regular posts- continuing with ”Are Only child adults difficult partners?‘, and a new one: “Divided Loyalties: how ‘splitting’ can cause damage in relationships” and a new article from Anna Sansom on [...]

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Are only child adults difficult partners? (Conflict)

Only child adult challenges in relationships: 1.  Introduction 1.   Dealing with the need for space and intimacy 2.  Dealing with conflict 3.  Dealing with one’s own parents I am continuing with the theme of only child adults as partners and having looked at the first two of the four issues I believe only child adult can be challenged by, I am now going to revisit conflict. Dealing with Conflict  I have already written about this in ‘So how does the only child adult deal with conflict?’ which I can sum up here by saying that:- we tend to avoid dealing with it appropriately! Instead, on the one hand, we either deny we are upset, sulk, or walk out or on the other hand, we indulge in out-bursts of fury and hostility. The appropriate way, is to be calm, talk about the issues involved, be open to the other person’s opinion, negotiate and find a win – win solution. Any [...]

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