Over 3000 visits a month!

by on November 20, 2011

in Bernice's Posts

I am very heartened that so many people are now visiting this website which has not even been going a year. Our readership has now increased to 3000 a month! I am very curious to see how many non-onlies are using this site.  That is not to say I am not grateful that people who are not only children are interested to read what I am posting. It does seem though that it is mostly people who have had a relationship with an only that are contributing. I am interested in their comments, and pleased that my posts have helped them to understand only child behaviours from a different point of view than perhaps they have been able to see before.

I also understand from other posts, that some people see the distinction between onlies and non onlies as superficial. However I think it is important to realise that the experience of being brought up as an only child means we have experienced the home and the world differently to those who have had siblings. This is not an ‘excuse’ for some only child behaviours, just a phenomenon that has certain consequences. This is what I am attempting to convey through my posts.

I believe we are all capable of all behaviours whether only children or not – however some behaviours are seen and understood in different ways, depending on which way you see the world, which is again dependent on things such as culture, class, economics, education etc.

For example, in my own research, only child adults were very prone to feel alone in the world but not necessarily lonely. Of course people with siblings can also feel this way, but often the loneliness is more to the fore than the aloneness. Only children have usually had a lot of opportunities to be alone but that does not mean they necessarily feel lonely in the same way as a person brought up in a large family might. If you are used to being surrounded by people – finding yourself alone can feel very lonely. (Of course for some it may be a relief – and human beings are all different). But my point here is that our early experiences shape the way we see the world and things like conflict and sharing are also coloured by that experience.

I welcome further comment and appreciate when people can do so in an open and non discriminatory way. After all we are all human beings with our own foibles! If you have any ideas for new posts I welcome that too!

  • Godscrysler

    Ive noticed it mostly females that are responding but ive only read just few.
    Well im a 48 yr old man and everything was given to me including the house im living in now, my mother and paternal father devorced when i was only 5 yrs of age, she met my stepfather maybe a year later on a blind date and just so happens that his last name was Johnson so was my mothers maiden name. they married and i was raise with her and my step father, i could’nt have asked for a better family, went to church everytime the doors open and stepfather was an elder in our church group.

    Also though i was blessed with another family which was paternal fathers, when birthdays and Christmas came around I really cleaned up, I always had two Christmases and birthdays.

    My father and stepdad where good friends all of my life, but now my mother is gone, lost her 1993.

    Lost grandmother on Dad side in 94, bless her soul she left me her house here.

    Devorced my wife in 95.

    Then I lost my father in 2007 .

    I have one daughter and she is kinda detained in another state, and the loneliness is almost unbearable, Im trying to get my disability going, i have no friends and not sure that i want any anyway.

    Personally I DO NOT SEE ANY ADVANTAGES of being an only as an adult  while it was great when younger with all its great advantages, and i was blesses with double advantages MY CUP WAS ALWAYS RUNNING OVER and i thank God for all the blessings that was bestowed upon me,but now is a very different story.

    Thanks for letting me tell my story.


  • Guest

    You should start scraping the surface for the few abused only children out there. There aren’t many, but there are some for sure. The mixture of isolation and abuse is really interesting to me…

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