October 2011

One or three types of only-children?

One the both interesting and frustrating aspects of only child research is the conflicting data that emerges. On the one hand there are many like Polit and Falbo who believe their studies have shown little difference between children with siblings and only children, and others who say that only children have greater advantages because of so much parental attention. While others dwell on the popular stereotype of the maladapted, socially inept, lonely only. Looking at the research on only-children over several decades Rosenberg & Hyde (1993) have attempted to account for the conflicting data by suggesting only-children are not a homogeneous group. After summarising the inconsistencies in the previous research they suggest there are two opposing theoretical views: The first  view emphasises the uniqueness of onlies who are never dethroned and have all the parental attention and are advantaged. The second view states onlies suffer deprivation from lack of siblings [...]

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So how does the only child adult deal with conflict?

This is one of the issues that I have read many times in emails from adult only children. Most of us – and I include myself in this – do not find conflict an easy thing to deal with or negotiate successfully. Many of us have a tendency to avoid it almost at any cost. This can be achieved in a number of ways like: turning the other cheek, pretending we are not upset really, or just sulking. The continuum stretches from complete avoidance to out bursts of fury and hostility. What we find much more difficult, is to be calm, negotiate and find a win – win solution. As a child in a family with no siblings we did not have the opportunities to row, be angry and fall out with children of a similar age. Being angry with a parent is a very different matter. If parents’  are [...]

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A chance to offer your perspective!

Rise of the Onlies – A feature length documentary After making her first documentary Seeking Happily Ever After Michelle Cove understood the blood, sweat, tears that go into taking on such a project. She vowed she was done with films—unless something truly irresistible came up.  Then the idea struck: Michelle, mom to an only child by choice, became fascinated by the world of one-child families, the fastest growing family type in the U.S. (She is filming only in the U.S. but plans to seek international distribution.) So once again, Michelle picked up her video camera and started shooting her next feature-length documentary Rise of the Onlies (www.riseoftheonlies.com). In this feature-length film, Michelle will be exploring what stereotypes of only children still exist, why they persist, and which can be debunked; what, if any, generalizations CAN be made about only children; and how others can understand what is quickly becoming the [...]

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Life Stages: Young adulthood

Here is the next in the series I have written on life stages of the only child. Previous ones are: Infancy; Early School Years and Adolescence. We saw  that adolescence is characterised by forming an identity, separate from parent ideals and expectations. Young adulthood is characterised by achieving some degree of intimacy through relationships, as opposed to remaining in isolation. Children with siblings spend more time together and relatively little time alone, thus giving them many opportunities to be with another human being of a similar age and stage. (it is believed approximately 33% of the day siblings interact with one another). This is very different for the only-child who has probably spent their 33% of time on their own, playing with toys, imaginary friends or pets. Whilst this gives them useful experience of being alone and finding ways to amuse themselves, the detrimental side is that it is not [...]

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Are only children happier? Bernice responds to recent articles that say they are.

Households with a single child now outnumber those with two (by more than half a million) and make up 46 per cent of all families. An article in the The Daily Mail stated that recent research concluded only children were happier than sibling children: Why an only child is happier than those who have brothers and sisters. Similarly the Observer article:  An only child is a happy child  claimed, from the same research: that because children with siblings encounter sibling rivalry and reduced parental attention, and worse still sibling bullying, an only child must be happier simply because they do not have a sibling. More recently “The Week” also published a similar article: Are Only Children Happier? Is this true? First of all, the research as far as I have read, is based on a large scale survey conducted in Britain by the Economic and Social Research Council. It does [...]

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A second child may prove to be a miracle too many…

Here is an article by Kate Brian, whose new book Precious Babies has just been released. Kate Brian is a writer and editor who has written four books about infertility, including The Complete Guide to IVF and The Complete Guide to Female Fertility. She was awarded for her work for Infertility Network UK and has been closely involved with the charity for many years. Kate regularly appears on radio and TV as an expert on fertility and has two children who were born after IVF treatment. Her latest book, Precious Babies, looks at pregnancy, birth and parenting after infertility and includes a chapter specifically aimed at parents who have an only child. Kate Brian: For anyone trying unsuccessfully to conceive, the idea of having one child would be the answer to every dream. When the dream becomes a reality, it can be surprising how quickly the possibility of trying again [...]

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