My parents are my life..but when they die..

by on September 6, 2011

in Stories

This is the first time I have reached out to research “being an only child” I do often think about it and I was glad to find your website.

It is hard to know if being an only is what has made me the way I am or is it just emotional problems stemming from many experiences in my life. I do however, know this; I despise being an only and have pictured in my minds eye, the concept of having a brother or sister to the point that I really think (for a second) I could feel what it “felt” like to have that. Sounds a bit crazy, but is true. It has brought me to tears.

I find I feel very lonely, especially when other friendships OR relationships are not meeting my needs. Both of my parents (in there late 50″s) have health problems that I bear wastefully on my shoulders alone. People with siblings insist ONE always ends up doing “the work” anyway.  They are still not alone, but I appreciate their effort to down play an onlies misery.

I find that I am one extreme or the other. I am either hating to be alone and am clingy and needy, but the next day, I want my boyfriend to just go away as he is suffocating me. I do cherish my time alone. It is as though I “Need ” myself to talk to and spend time with, if you interrupt that, I am going to be short with you. I dread the day I lose my divorced parents, as I am very close to them both (of course!)

I have been lucky to have them and all the things they have given me in my life. They are my life. That scares me. It scares me to think when I am 70, I dont  have a 72 or 62 year old sister to go to the beauty salon with. I feel short changed (not envious) when I see the interaction of my friends with their siblings. I found it hard in my marriage to a first born, as I sat around the dinner table with his mother, father, sister and brother and listened to them go on and on detailing all these funny, memorable times that they  had spent together at home on rainy days, after school, or on a family vacation. Three just doesn’t seem like a family. It seems like a secret meeting of minds. However, that was short lived as well. Mom and dad divorced by the time I turned eleven and I clung to the memories that were made for a very long time, even still, I do.

Well, my marriage failed and now I have a beautiful son whom I cherish. He is two and a half. I am extremely selfish and look for quick fixes (that new handbag will fix my sadness!) Its strange, I find myself upset when my boyfriend doesn’t stay the night  with me, but I feel much to stifled when he does one too many nights. Tired and signing off, a lonely only in the US.


  • Suraj sharma

    There is nothing like parents my life is only for them.I Love them more then my life.

  • Brittanynb

    I’ve been looking at this website for the past hour and have broke down hysterically crying at least 5 times already. I seem to be facing a lot of the same problems that you have dealt with. My parents aren’t divorced but they had me at a very young age and weren’t really around much when I was growing up. I’m definitely a lonely only child. I hate not having a brother or sister to look to for comfort and support. I refuse to put my future children through the loneliness and problems of being an only child. 

  • Ees1s1999

    Ypu made me cry Im only twelve but I always wonder who’s gobna be there for me when my parents die I ave no aunts and uncles and no cousins so once my parents die I’m all alone which scares me..

    • only child too

      I am continually amazed at how unknowable it is to others what it is like to be an only child adult orphan with no spouse or children.  When I try to relate what it is not to have anyone notice whether you are well or not, dead or alive , they roll their eyes that it is self-pity. It is not self-pity but an expression of my life when everyone else complains about their families.  Going to meetings and such only gains you acquaintences. That is hardly a replacement for people who really care about you and will take care of you when you are sick.

  • Vatin P

    I am an only child too. And I’m afread I wouldn’t have reason to live when my parents are gone.

  • Maryah Knapp

    I recently realized that since I was young I was unable to share friendships.. I usually only have one good friend at a time I tend to get jealous and clingy and then upset and I end the friendship. I am now starting to see this is my relationship with my boyfriend, I want all the attention on me, I feel like when he hangs out with his cousins he isn’t paying attention enough… Issue too is my best friend lives out of state so j only have him to focus on and it’s getting worse. My boyfriends cousins won’t come over anymore because they think I’m mean and that I don’t like them :( I know the problem but I feel helpless…

  • Mike

    I lost both my parents 8 years apart and for me it was like losing my entire world because they never got along with my father’s side of the family which were the only other family we had in our city. So for most of my life,it was just me and my parents. My father had been married previously and had had two sons and I only met them in my 30s and I have good relations with them,but,half brothers are still not full brothers. My father also tried to reconnect with his side of the family in his last years and I have made an effort to try and get to know them more. But there are days where I still feel like an outsider. I still cannot help but feel like I am an sole survivor without my parents and somedays I still miss them very much. I finally have admitted that I too have issues of jealousy and being clingy because my best friend who comes from a large family of 8 has gone on two trips with a woman she met from her previous workplace and both times it was girls’ only. I have talked to her recently about us going somewhere together and she agreed,but,I am still somewhat mad at her because I feel like she is replacing me with the other friend and that I am not good enough for her. I have been tempted to end our long friendship over this,but,we have been through a lot together. I know that it sounds crazy and insecure on my part that I don’t want her to spend time with another friend…so I can relate to everything you have all said.

  • Linda de Jong

    Is there some forum where we can discuss things?

    • Bernice sorensen

      There used to be Linda but the other site was continually hacked into so it is now defunct I am afraid. Thanks for visiting, Bernice

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