A classic only child upbringing?

by on July 7, 2011

in Emails

When I was younger I experienced the classic only child upbringing and although I always wondered why I did not have siblings and often wishing I had built in playmates, my only child status does not get to me as it does now.

I believe that my only child status helped me to be more creative, comfortable with being alone and willing to take social risks.

In terms of being able to relate to the world at large I think it has been a plus, I am comfortable diffusing energy….in terms of intense one-on-one relationships I feel that I have always been at a disadvantage, feeling a kind of discomfort that I felt in my own intense mother-father-daughter triad

I worked hard at adopting myself to large gregarious family situations…friends with lots of sibs, cousins and co-housing with lots of roomates are just a few examples. I feel that I have been constantly in search of groups that can fuel gaps in my only intense family triangle. I started my own business when I was in my 20′s, a bike touring company for which I would lead groups of people through the Tuscan countryside. I found this very comforting as in many ways it was a way for me to have my only large family.

I was very attached to this experience. I think that being an only child has help my entrepreneurial drive and innovative way of seeing things

My mom died two years ago which put my sadness around not having siblings in full focus. I have three young children and to watch them and adore they way
to grow together and learn so much about just getting along reminds me of how much I missed out on.

I feel that I have had to work very hard at communication. Because in an only child setting, conflicts cannot get diffused nor are there many points
of view, I find myself very impatient with conflict and feel the need to resolve it quickly. Communicating with parents is one thing, another is
having intense conflict over a toy, working it out and then playing lovingly then next moment.

  • Bee

    AHHH yes the conflict thing!!!
    I go into a total meltdown if my husband rows/falls out with temporarily with either of my (adult) kids or the kids do the same with eachother .Total meltdown,it actually makes me feel ill!!!! Luckily they;ve all realised whats going on (you know,nutty mother) and they will explain to me its not forever nor ever will be
    HA!!! I need my ‘coping with conflict effectively’ badge

  • http://www.facebook.com/frances.drake.5 Frances Drake

    I haven’t got any siblings, and as a result I cannot cope with conflict of any kind. I tend to avoid any form of confrontation as I don’t know how to deal with it and just get furiously angry. And of course this generally means I’m left with the short end of the stick.

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