It’s Boxing Day and, as I’ve done for many years now, I have just managed to ‘get through’ another Christmas. All around everyone seems to be moaning about being stuck with the family having no idea what it’s like to be, as it were, standing outside in the snow and cold looking through the window at family life. I was born just after the war at a time when women obtained their only status by becoming a wife and mother.
My mother had to wait six years before I came along and, whilst I now appreciate how difficult that must have been for her, I have always felt that my only reason for being alive is to give my mother the status of ‘mother’. She rarely praised me (though she was never unkind) because she was so scared I’d be seen as a ‘spoilt only’. This was all about her being seen as a bad mother not about me being loved by others. So the comments on your noticeboard about being spoilt really struck a chord.
The other thing I noticed was the number of people who commented how difficult it is to make relationships when you haven’t been able to experience the normal ‘cut and throat’ atmosphere of siblings and arguments. I think people with siblings take it for granted they can be absolutely obnoxious but will still have a ‘family’ to accept them. My mother was so scared about ‘what will people think’ that the least lack of encouragement (mainly perceived by me rather than real) has made me run from people and assume they hate me because I’m not perfect.
Consequently I don’t even have a family of my own and every Christmas brings this home a bit more. I do make an effort to be positive about life, I’m just using this site to be particularly introspective.