November 2010

Anyone in the same boat?

I am a male only child and at forty years of age can look back on my life and say it has played a part in at least ninety percent of it. I was married very young had two beautiful daughters but sadly the marriage was rocky, mostly my fault, I left and the work I was in took me to another country. I kept in constant contact with the kids and between my traveling back and they coming over we are very close, but I have an overpowering feeling of guilt at having left them. The girl I’m with now is the love of my life, we tried to have kids but to no success, this is affecting me more than her. My want of children and thinking that without them it cant be a home has threatened our relationship. I can relate to most of your e-mails as [...]

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So how do siblings affect the family dynamic?

  Articles in various newspapers last autumn announced that recent research has suggested that only children are happier than those with siblings. Gundi Knies, from the Institute for Social and Economic Research at the University of Essex, analysed the ‘Understanding Society’ data and concluded that the findings indicated ‘the fewer siblings children have, the happier they are.’ However it became clear from the rest of the article that in many cases this was based on families with large numbers of sibling children and families where a great deal of bullying took place. (You can read these reports in Articles) Can sibling relationships be beneficial or detrimental to the children concerned? Research in this area suggests that siblings are an important source for learning social and emotional skills. Socialization is seen to occur largely in the home through interaction with parents and siblings. Acceptable social roles are learned along with acceptable [...]

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I’m a happy 80 year old male only-child!

I am an only child, I have now reached the age of Eighty Years and have been a bachelor all those years and at no time have I regretted being an only child. My parents were not in any way different from their peers of that period. My father was a soldier and was serving in India at the time of my conception, my mother decided that she would return to England for the birth. My very early years were spent in military married quarters as my father was a warrent officer and thus entitled to accommodation. I went to an Army school where very strict discipline was maintained, but the education stood me in good stead for later life. At the age of eight I was sent to prep school as a full time border and it was excellent. At the age of ten thanks to the sacrifice of [...]

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A positive experience but can we laugh at ourselves?

I found your website purely by chance. I’m having a difficult time in my career right now and did a Google search on “suitable careers for an only child.” I didn’t find a suitable career, but read with great relish some of the narratives on your website. My life has been rich and interesting. I was born to a female only child, who married my father, the eldest son with a younger sister. I was their product, and the product of my dad’s second marriage. He had a daughter from his first marriage, another only child (who went on to marry an only child!), who I no longer see since my father’s death. I have fond memories of my childhood. We were very hard up when I was growing up, so while I had lots of love and affection I had very little materialistically. I had an imagination and my [...]

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An only child is a happy child

An only child is a happy child, says research? The more siblings children have, the unhappier they become, due to bullying and competition by Anushka Asthana, The Observer, Sunday 14 November 2010 In an interview with Rolling Stone magazine, Natalie Portman once said: “I would never have been an actress if I weren’t an only child, because my parents would never have let me be the star of the family at the expense of another child.” It turns out that when it comes to the advantages of life without brothers and sisters, she was on to something. One of the widest-ranging research projects on family life conducted in Britain has revealed that the fewer siblings children have, the happier they are – and that only children are the most contented. The findings, shared exclusively with the Observer, suggest that “sibling bullying” could be part of the problem, with 31% of [...]

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Living with alcoholic parents

I recently found your website and read with interest many of the comments that echo my own experiences as an only child. That was most helpful. Many of the stories were wonderfully optimistic and portrayed loving parents who nurtured and supported their only children. I loved these stories. My particular situation, however, was rampant with dysfunction that I truly think compounded the only child circumstance. Both my parents were alcoholics. We were not poor, did not live on the wrong side of town, my parents were not criminals and I did not go without the essentials of food, clothing and shelter during my childhood. As I have come to know after years of trying to understand alcoholism, an alcoholic puts the “condition” ahead of all else in their lives. That is to say, meeting the need of the alcoholism comes before the children, the home, the extended family, everything. Therefore, [...]

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Guilt in leaving parents and moving abroad

I am 32 years old, an only child born abroad and now living in the UK. Happily married to a man much older than me and enjoying bringing up my two young children. My parents still live abroad. I text my mum everyday and we speak on the phone once a week. Part of me is happy with the decision I made while another part cannot shake off the feeling of guilt. Back home, over 10 years ago, I felt I was just a ‘background’, an attachment to their life, a bit of a nuisance – they were pursuing their careers and filled their spare time with gardening and other ‘useful’ things. Things had to have their purpose, not much room for fun. They chose not to have a second child – and perhaps they still think it was a good choice, or maybe they regret it now, as they [...]

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Why an only child is happier than those who have brothers and sisters

By Nick Mcdermott
 15th November 2010 The Daily Mail They are often viewed as being awkward, lonely and demanding, but a new study has revealed that only children are happier than those forced to fight for their parents’ attention with their siblings. One of the reasons single-children appear more confident and content is they do not have to deal with ‘sibling bullying’, according to researchers, with almost a third of youngsters saying they are regularly hit or shoved by a brother or sister. Many children with siblings also complain of their belongings being stolen and being called ‘nasty names’ by a brother or sister. Me me me time: Competition for parental attention and irritation over the need to share belongings could be to blame for greater unhappiness amongst those with a brother or sister, new research claims. The figures, which come from one of the widest-ranging studies on family life [...]

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I have always felt lonely and different

I was born in 1937, an only child of a very possessive mother, and a henpecked father. Both parents’ professional people, so from the age of five I was a ‘latchkey child’. I had to cook my father’s supper at the age of 11 years, as mother did not arrive home until late in the evening. Although I had school friends, I suffered terrible loneliness at weekends and evenings. I always thought that I was adopted, as my mother never once showed me any affection, and my father was very official towards me. I married and had 2 children (I was determined not to have just one). I had to divorce after 31years of marriage because of a violent and abusive husband. I had no brothers or sisters to support me, and I became even more isolated. I am now a pensioner on my own, caring for my now 94yrs [...]

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I loved being an only-child!

I have read your website and it’s postings with great interest. With the exception of a few it seems that being an only child is perceived as a negative thing, and seems to have had a predominantly detrimental impact on many of your readers and contributors lives. I can relate to many of the observations, not being able to play board games alone (although I had a bloody good try), the worry of ending up alone should anything happen to your parents (I live with this to this day) , and the jealousy of others and their relationships with their siblings. I never thought anyone felt that way, as I did, and as I expect we all have at one time or another. I am the only child of two devoted older parents, I am now 24, my father will be 77 this year and my mother 67. When I [...]

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