Message from New Zealand
I have read other people’s accounts and it has brought me some relief to know that I am certainly not the only one to suffer from being an only and lonely child… Not only has this been the issue of my life, but I STILL cry at the mention of any kind of brother/sister bonding. Literally, I CRY. The envy eats me up inside. I cannot help but feel jealous and ask the inevitable “WHY”… It hurts so much, no one will ever know or feel it. People can only empathize so much but they will never know how it’s like to grow up alone, ALONE. Even my family and cousins lived abroad. I only had mySELF and my parents- who were never on good terms anyway.
Relationships? Who in God’s name knows HOW they can succeed? I have had problems with the dynamics of communication and “giving” not only because of my dysfunctional family but certainly mainly because of my loneliness. I just cannot bear the emptiness I feel and believe me, no number of friends and people will ever make up for the most important thing that I lacked. I do not blame my parents but I definitely suffer, every single day/. The words “my brother” / “my sister” REALLY hurt me. THEY REALLY DO