October 2010

‘Working the Room’ by Geoff Dyer

© Geoff Dyer. Extracted from ‘Working the Room’ by Geoff Dyer, to be published by Canongate on November 4th 2010 Almost half the children born in Britain today will never have a sibling. Geoff Dyer, acclaimed writer and only child, describes what it was like to grow up a singleton My mother often quoted with approval the maxim, “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” Unfortunately she thought this was intended as an exhortation rather than a warning. The mother’s instinct to indulge her only child was thereby reinforced by a higher authority. I was so spoilt that on the day my parents unexpectedly came to pick me up at primary school in the middle of the morning – I was about 8 at the time – I told the teacher that it was probably because they wanted to buy me a toy. In fact, it was to go to [...]

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Being an only isn’t a terrible thing- but helps to explain what makes “me”

I just found your website and have to be honest, I am amazed, I never realised other people found it so bad. I must admit that I haven’t found it so good myself, to the extent that I quite deliberately had two children close together. Part of me feels as though I am incredibly special and the other part knows I have no major talents, and am just like everyone else. Power struggles whilst growing up with my mother. Feeling like my parents didn’t really see “me” but wanted to sculpt me into whatever I should have been. Being over sensitive when people are just difficult and trying over and over to get them to like me, clearly its all my fault. Feeling alone. Feeling misunderstood. Not seeming to understand societies rules, and so always feeling as though I am slow in some capacity! I cant stress enough that I [...]

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Only and lonely child!

Message from New Zealand I have read other people’s accounts and it has brought me some relief to know that I am certainly not the only one to suffer from being an only and lonely child… Not only has this been the issue of my life, but I STILL cry at the mention of any kind of brother/sister bonding. Literally, I CRY. The envy eats me up inside. I cannot help but feel jealous and ask the inevitable “WHY”… It hurts so much, no one will ever know or feel it. People can only empathize so much but they will never know how it’s like to grow up alone, ALONE. Even my family and cousins lived abroad. I only had mySELF and my parents- who were never on good terms anyway. Relationships? Who in God’s name knows HOW they can succeed? I have had problems with the dynamics of communication [...]

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Do all onlies feel desperate for a sibling?

I don’t know whether it is common desire in ‘onlies’, but I was desperate for a brother or sister and this feeling only seemed to intensify as I grew older. It is only now in my early thirties that I am finding some self-acceptance about not having brothers and sisters. I do admit to still having a slight envy at ‘big’ families; siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews. In fact, even as I write I feel that tinge of sadness about the fact that I will never have a brother or a sister. I will never have that experience of a shared childhood and the knowledge that someone knows your past. It was definitely a grieving process for me, going through the painful feelings of loss and loneliness to finally accepting what I have here in this life. Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with [...]

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Costly legacy for the spoilt Little Emperors

Ice creams and piano lessons, designer sneakers and a flat of their own: these are some of the extras that China’s only children receive from their doting families. The one-child policy has created a generation of Little Emperors. They are at the core of what is known as the 4-2-1 phenomenon of four grandparents, two parents and one child. The children, some now in their early thirties, have been pampered since birth. If a child cries, the response of two parents and four doting grandparents is to rush out and buy something — a hamburger or perhaps a toy embossed with a picture of the latest cartoon craze character, the doe-eyed “Pleasant Goat”. One result is a generation of spoilt brats. But there are far more serious consequences. Abortions of female foetuses mean there are many more boys than girls. Within a decade 40 million young men will be unable [...]

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