September 2010

Does anyone else feel guilt and presssure from their parent’s?

I found your website very interesting. I am in my mid thirties and as an only child can relate to many of the issues that were discussed in your research interviews. One thing which I have lived with (and continue to do so) is the guilt and pressure you feel when you are the sole focus of your parents attention. My dad had me when he was in his early forties and I was very much a daddy’s girl, my parents divorced and he died recently. I found that the more ill he became the more distant I became towards him since I found the guilt of trying to live my own life overwhelming and couldn’t stand the pressure of this guilt which was not coming from him but from me. Of course now he is no longer here I feel terrible and wish I could have done things differently. [...]

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The other side of the story- thankyou!

Thank you very much for showing the other side of the story! All I can find here in the USA are websites and articles telling how wonderful it is to be an only, how it doesn’t make a difference and may be an advantage etc. I am past 50 yrs old, an only child. I have always hated it, and ashamed of it, to this day I tell people I have a sister. Talk about stereotypes…spoiled, overprotected, selfish. I am all of that. My parents were so afraid I’d get hurt, I never learned any sports, never even learned to ride a bicycle or drive a car. I can’t cook, can barely boil water. My parents also had the idea they were better than everyone else, and had no friends; as a result, I had a big problem making friends. I have never had a boyfriend, never a date. I [...]

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I was happy to be an only but now I’m older…

I am 22 years old and my mum is 62 she was nearly 40 when she had me and my dad left us shortly after which is the obvious reason why my mum never had anymore children. When I was younger I was happy enough to be an ‘only’ child I never really thought ‘Oh I wish I had a sister or brother’ but now as I have got older my views have changed. I now wish with all my heart that I had a sister or a brother. All I have in the world is my mother and I am all she has. This puts an incredible amount of pressure on me. Dont get me wrong I love my mum to bits – maybe too much… I worry constantly because she’s older than most of my friends mums. I worry about loosing her and being alone and obviously because [...]

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Adopted male only

It was a comfort somewhat stumbling quite accidental upon your site, having never had encounters with other only children or their experiences, I am a 36 year old father of two great boys now. But still live with the emotional difficulties from not only being an only child, but also being adopted. I have read some literature on the adoption side of things, the feelings of guilt, shame, and unworthiness of being adopted. But knew being an only child in some way to added to these feeling, now having also seen your site I see that` only children` do also feel this same way and I as an only child share theirs. I have never meet with other only children or adopted people, and now I feel in some way from my lonely childhood that I must take the burden of these feelings and I am now at a stage [...]

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I would never have an only child!

Being an only child, taught me, that one day when I got married I never wanted just one child, because I did not want them to go through what I went through, even though it sounds lovely, it was a very lonely and solitary existence at times. I was lucky in many ways, but feel that in other ways you miss out so much. I never learnt from brothers or sisters who had children, the experiences of looking after babies, I never changed a nappy until I had my own children, I had never looked after a baby and did not have a clue, until I had my own. I never had cousins to play with or aunties or uncles popping in or baby sitting. In a way it was harder being an only child who wanted for nothing, than being in a larger family, learning about life, and how [...]

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Alicia Staz who writes a blog called ‘Only Child Option’

I am the proud parent of a 5 year old only child.  He is our first and our last child.  Trust me when I say we encountered opposition. Both my family and my husband’s family “encouraged” us to reconsider. In the end we had to make the best choice for us.  One child completes our family and we are very comfortable with our decision.  Having one child carries a stigma for parents as well as for the child.  My solution is to write a blog on only child parenting.  I write about my experiences as a parent of an only child to help others make the decision on how many children is right for their family. I keep the pitfalls of only-child parenting in mind as I proceed through this thing called life.  I took care of a child my son’s age for the first 3 years of his life [...]

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Is being an only more problematic as you get older?

After reading the honest, open and heartfelt contributions of other people who wanted to share their experiences, and after two tears formed on reading some, I knew writing to you was something that I had to do. To give a little background, I was raised by my mother, and for a few years, her partner. My biological father was not on the scene, as they broke up before my birth. My mother has two sisters and one brother. Due to family dynamic caused in part by sexual abuse within the family, my mother has a very strained relationship with my grandmother, her siblings, and the wider family. Hence, cousins did not play apart in my childhood. I had lots of fun while growing up. I lived in an area which had lots of children, and made friends easily. I was good at sport, and good at school, but found navigating [...]

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